We Indians are filthy smart; so smart that we have mutated the time tested concept of ‘hard work’ to ‘smart way of doing work’ and leading rocking lives from Kashmir to Kanyakumari. Some of you may bash me for not including our respectful presences in Canada or Australia, but, right now I’m sticking to my Sindhu root to avoid any riot in between spirituality and patriotism harmoniously coexisting in the title of this article. We’ve further abbreviated it as ‘smart work’ and this is the 100% genuine ‘Indian way’ we generally boast of… this is the same reason for which chauvinists envy us! The invisible holy book of the Indian way includes at least few million unwritten smart guidelines, starting from why we shouldn’t waste our time to look out for a dustbin in public space to dump a soft drink bottle, to how to procure a driving license by sitting at home. We give a shit to our global image as projected by firangis or even yellow skinned jealous brothers. We can confront anyone anytime with the sheer fact that due to our Indian way we’re hired by heaviest pockets worldwide, who fear, if we’re not outsourced we can open any number of companies like Macrosoft or mApple right in our incredible subcontinent! Sometimes back, on the auspicious occasion of Ganesh Chaturthi, I came to a conclusion that it was actually Ganpati Bappa who had implanted the seed of “Indian way” in us and I’m bloody sure none else could have epitomized the fantastico Indian way any better. Don’t get agitated my friend; it’s all in our priceless pages of mythology… just read on my subsequent paragraph most religiously, most importantly with a spirit of spiritualistic nationalism.
Look down at your toe nails in shame, if being a Hindu, you haven’t heard of the legendary race between Ganesha and Kartikeya anytime in your childhood from grandpa, granny or other elderly storytellers. If you already know the story, make the turbines inside your mind to run in full speed to find out how it’s related to the smart Indian way, while I narrate it in short to the unprivileged group. I give no guarantee of the precision of its beginning, but it somewhat goes like this- once when there was a sibling rivalry between Ganesha and Kartikeya, their parents, Lord Shiva and reverent Parvati came up with an idea to let their kids decide who was more superior on their own with a simple competition. One who will circumvent the globe first would be the undisputed winner- was the condition put before two brothers, to which they readily agreed. Now don’t raise relevant issues before this God-fearing guy like- why didn’t they consider longer tracks like Pluto or Superman’s Krypton, or, controversial queries like- didn’t they have enough trust on their sons’ abilities!
In case you belong to other religious, atheist or agnostic groups then I strongly suggest you to search in internet the images of Ganesha and Kartikeyan to understand the futility of this race better. Kartikeyan, with his well toned muscles, aggressive mentality and capable vector (a peacock) flew without a second thought to win the single lap race around the green planet. Morbidly obese Ganesha realised his chances were remote with the enormous pot-belly and microscopic rodent vector (a rat!). A sedentary person usually has nothing much to do than thinking, thinking and thinking. So, with prolonged sedentary lifestyle, Ganesha had developed some extra sharpness in few thinking areas of his elephantine brain. Ganesha had simply made three rounds around his parents and submitted for a powernap while his brother Kartikeya returned huffing and puffing with his peacock after executing the race in true sportsman spirit. Guess who was the officially announced winner? Shiva-Parvati declared Ganesha as the winner, logic being- parents are our true world! Billion years back (considering the fictitious age of this mythological event), hard work, honesty, dedication and righteousness got beaten by diplomacy, philosophy and tactful manipulation of sentiments! Scholars would justify Shiva-Parvati’s decision in their way like- Ganesha was the just winner as he was the one to decipher the inner truth while Kartikeya sweated on the superficiality… after all nobody wags his tail for any inglorious bastard… with the passage of time, wrong turns right and cunning foxes steal all the glory in our history books as national heroes! Oh pardon me if I’m drifting away from our today’s talk- the Indian way.
We rightly celebrate Ganesha festival with much pomp and colour to show our gratitude to the true pioneer of the Indian way. In short, we’ve copied everything what Ganesha does. You don’t believe me? Well, listen to the devotional song ‘Jai Ganesh Deva’ and mark our God Ganesha’s descriptions. You’ll be amazed to find, it’s not only we Aam-aadmis but also politicians and other big shots running our country mimic each and everything from Ganpati Bappa to continue the fantastico Indian way except riding on rats, perhaps due to abundance cum affordability of imported vehicles. We’ve got two different types of teeth, one for showing and the other for cutting. Apart from two arms, we always keep other two under the table. We dream of being offered with freebies while our heads actually receive them etc and etc. So, don’t waste your time in mudslinging on us in charge of laziness, hypocrisy and corruption… You admit it or not, we’re simply smart skaters over muddy grounds… with the sacred vermilion of our Indian way we vow to remain loyal disciples of Ganpati Bappa. Let us be sincere devotees of Lord Ganesha and exert our vocal cords in unison- Ganpati Bappa Morya Pudhchya Varshi Lavkar Yaa (Oh my Lord Ganesha, please return soon next year)!!!