Thursday, July 17, 2014

My Black List is very very Black

Go beyond this green planet, brazen mercury and elysian sun, whatever you had mugged up and still remember of your school geography book. Transcend and think celestial... and soon you'll realize the monopoly of 'BLACK'. Forget this ongoing stage-show you're somehow performing (Oh, it's not me, blame Mr Shakespeare!) and savor the nostalgia of that black environment inside your momma's womb, or, thrill yourself with the anticipation of the blackness you're going to face inside some undertaker's wooden masterpiece someday. Ah well, if all these black thoughts fail to arouse you, let two special azure eyes haloed with 'not so thick' black eyeliner be your bait. Think man, think hard, till you get a hard-on (only intellectual arousal please) conceiving of the enigma of black! My bad, I'm unintentionally sounding like a chauvinistic male pig as I haven't yet addressed my loyal women readers. Well ladies, you may pamper yourself with electrifying fantasy of a jade black petite goatee while gentlemen lose their footholds by the slime of eyeliner.

Right now, while thinking about the universality of 'BLACK' I'm somewhat losing the grip of earth's gravity, pondering how obsessed I've grown with black in due course of time. Apart from my affinity towards abstract black freebies like- a wife's black heart, a husband's black loyalty, mutual black expectations, black craving to abandon own land for the sake of a dreamland, black magic etc, I will go for a public confession of five tangible black items which I long for. Meanwhile you may torture your mind analysing how black I'm from my beforesaid list of likings.

Countdown 5: Black Butt- Wondering why? Take it easy my friend. It's simply because, a black butt can't get dirtier. So, once I know my butt is black no further worries of losing. Basically, a black butt is self limiting you see!

Countdown 4: Black Spices- Unlike coriander, cumin or cinnamon, black spices won't visually expose your shitty cooking before your guests. Can black spices turn blacker if you overcook? Nah, they're safe and I like them!

Countdown 3: Black hair dye- I can challenge those inhuman wrinkles over my face that I can pretend in vain to be sweet 16 despite their successful efforts! I'll tell you the darker secret. Black dyes leave ample opportunity for spared white hairs to stand up and get discarded by beauty-conscious wife's tender fingers in the privacy of bedroom (feel the 'Ummm').

Countdown 2: Black belt- Grew up with Bruce Lee movies. Used to whistle at the legend's portrayal of high class martial art. Even saw few friends joining karate/judo classes. The world did move but the elusive desire for a 'black belt' never never failed to catch my fantasy. Alas it only failed to abduct my sloth!

Countdown 1: Black box- Simply because, even after being orange it embraced 'black' in a colour conscious world where everything is trying to get white! I'm talking of the black box in an airbus sir.

My countdown is over and if you're still waiting to see a rocket launch, don't waste your time here and get yourself Tintin's comics book “Destination Moon”. If my ode to 'black'  evoked your black spirit, share/blog your black fascinations and let others know you're a mutant too. Signing out...


  1. hey I want that black belt toooo :) I also went for these classes for 2 years and came pretty close and then My knee went for a SIX :)

    I love the colour black

    1. Sama pinch, please don't return :-P

    2. Hahaaa it was about returning the pinch... It was a school prank we used to play with our classmates after getting same marks in class test :-D

  2. Very good. With 'Black' I remember Amir Khan in his first movie with full black dress.

    1. Hahaa... Remember how tight black denims and baggy shirt used to be trendy then? :-)


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