Sunday, August 18, 2013

Sniffer's Nostalgia



With around 90 billion neurons in brain we, human beings are the most polished category among other dumbheads in the planet earth when it comes to thinking, reasoning and expressing. Whether it’s towards goodness or badness, we are the ones who can go maximum, up to the point of no return. Now don’t interrupt me by telling that dogs can express themselves better when it comes to child abuse or adultery. If you raise your voice I’ll banish you from our civilised hypocrite society in charge of ‘mutinous voyeur of the millennium’. Back to my honorary jactitation, yes, we have the finest five senses- vision, hearing, smell, taste and touch. But each and every negative circumstances taking place around me reminds every second that I’m in dire period of Kali Yuga (age of downfall)! Even my pet dog Neeru challenged me the other day that he has a better sense of smell than me… think of the goddamn audacity! I couldn’t disappoint my great human ancestors who had debated till their last breathes to gain nothing. So, I confronted Neeru with the superiority of complex odour-map in my brain by virtue of which I can savour the nostalgia of sweet fragrances, rather than just sniffing around the mansion insensitively like him!

In a country like India where there’s no amenity of sunbathing on nude-beach, one needs to be a good couch potato at his home itself to time-travel and cherish his ‘sweet and sour’ nostalgias. To invalidate the saying ‘every dog has its day’ I reclined on my inherited couch and closed my eyes, careful enough not to take a deep breath (in case the toilet smell invades my nose!) dived deep into the ocean of sniffers’ nostalgia, while Neeru kept licking my shin with a sarcastic look. As I reached the bottom of the ‘ocean of nostalgia’ I found thousands of reefs of sweet fragrances responding to my memory’s wavelength … Voila! I rode on a sea-horse (if you have ever studied biology, better read it: unicorn) to poke all of them one by one and relive my old moments. A fishy-smelling mermaid appeared from nowhere and cautioned me only to poke those reefs with a sweet smell and she vanished in a jiffy before I could ask her the reason. But I decided to be watchful in the unfamiliar ocean bed. My oxygen cylinder spurred on my back to indicate its slowly falling level. Ah I was getting bit nervous… I refined my goal to only spearing those ‘reefs of smell’ which are linked to my home. Till then, the target seemed quite big with respect to my oxygen stock... Einstein was actually wrong… It’s human problem (not stupidity) which is infinite! I had to conduct a quick lottery with the help of my unicorn’s Java program to randomly select some of the best fragrances/smells in my home since the summer of 69. You can get an idea of my shortlisted target from the rich graphical representation drawn above.

After tying the knot of school tie

A confidential letter I pushed in my bag,

Watchful enough nobody had followed

But the stupid comb failed to make my hair…!

Only a smell could hasten my make up

The burnt petrol beat my mom’s nagging calls

Umm yes I knew dad was starting our vintage car!!!

In some lazy weekend noon

After my school homework done,

But scorching ground not yet ready to play,

Restlessness used to wring me dry…!

If any smell that could pacify this boy,

Oh world famous recipe of brainy Bongs

Umm yes my momma’s golden crispy fish fry!!!

Every evening after the sundown

Like a sick homeward ploughing bull

Back to home with football and muddy toes,

In a sour mood as too many pages to flick…!

If any fume that could charge the sunken soul

It had to be from granny’s worshipping room,

Umm yes I miss her butter lamp and incense stick!!!

Time gifted me the moustache

And a nuclear family of my own,

Distemper stole the soggy plaster smell,

Odourless air in flat was getting hard to bear…!

Only the aroma that swayed my heart and

Made me whistle like that long lost boy

Umm I was sure she had shampooed her hair!!!

The young man became a dad

Every day I walked on clouds,

When this little angel was born

Towards the full moon I drove my car…!

I never let you know the reason of

Million night visits to our baby’s cot,

Umm he scented better than anything best so far!!!

I was fast unicorn-riding towards the reef of ‘new school book smell’ when I felt a mild pain of a baby-shark bite. Ouch everything vanished in a millisecond like Indian Government grants for public projects! It was Neeru nibbling my foot… stupid dog. I knew he would never understand my sci-fi like Sniffer’s nostalgia… after all he was the dog and me, the master. I ruffled the wheatish fur over his neck with an ‘Alas, you’ll never get the cake!’ smile. Oh, if I don’t mention now I’ll forget, Zombipur company had sent me a sample of car perfume. Though I don’t prefer to alter the internal air of my car with any external smell, I used it just for testing and found the light citrus fragrance not quite pleasing. Though I didn’t dare to put rotten garbage inside my car (as they show in their TV commercial) and check its potential, still I’ll give it a ‘Below par’ certificate and take it off the AC vent. No not again!

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