Sunday, April 28, 2013

Aam Aadmi's Ramp-ready Hairstyles

India is a country of Aam-aadmis, i.e. common men (not, mango-man). The moment an Aam-aadmi gets translated to English, he loses his essence, because an Indian Aam-aadmi differs from a ‘common man’ of some developed country in as many aspects as the modest number of stars you fail to count in the clear evening sky. As I consider myself a mediocre prototype of an Aam-aadmi, here I’ll talk about few of my ramp-ready hair styles which are doable and perfectly suit any Aam-aadmi. Well, a little modification here, an Aam-aadmi doesn’t usually have time and opportunity to participate in a flop-show on F-TV ramp or any other gorgeous fashion ramp... so, in practice, he has to make his hair ramp-ready only when he goes for an office presentation, neighbour’s marriage reception, meeting his fiancĂ©e, tripping to in-law’s place  or jumping in disco. But styling the hair ramp-ready is not so simple, as it requires motivation, skill and material. When the Aam-aadmi is a teenager, he lacks skill and material… when he’s in his early adulthood he loses motivation for the sake of his career… when he is in his middle age he gathers motivation, skill and material but by then the ruthless menace of ‘Hair fall’ takes the lead, making him desperate to run to a hair implant specialist! Moreover, about 70% of Aam-aadmis living in rural-India hardly gets access to arsenic/iron-free water for washing their head, leave aside quality hair-care products like that of TRESemmĂ©! No more Bla bla… I’m presenting before you six of my Aam-aadmi Ramp-ready hair styles:-

First Style: I named it “Elvis, the Mafia” style. Aam-aadmi, at first fantasizes of Godfather’s classic mafia style or, Elvis Presley’s Pompadour hairstyle… and at last he mixes them up to get this “Elvis, the Mafia” look! You’re free to venture anywhere where you need to show off your stamina or manliness. Yes, you can go to meet you girlfriend unless she finds it villainous. You won’t need anything more than a comb, wet-gel and offcourse some hair on your scalp to make it.

Second Style:Sajan Chale Sasural” style justifies the age-old middle parted hairstyle with C-shaped locks on both sides with dribbling drops of hair oil from them, mostly seen on a man going to his in-law’s house. His accompanying wife in a bullock-cart (nowadays, it should be motorised van in rural areas and auto-rickshaw in a city) adds a warm flavour to this evergreen (don’t dare to laugh) hairstyle!

Third Style: This style “Mr. Dependable” suits the air of corporate cabins and academic institutes and one of the easiest ways to present yourself as someone whom the guy on the other side of the table can trust. Best thing about it is that you only need hair oil to keep up the trust.

Fourth Style:Desi Kool Dude” needs some finger work on your hard-gelled hair and makes you confident to stroll in a mall or jump like a frog on the disco floor. It has a mentionable advantage… even if you roll on the road after getting over-drunk, when you return home your hair still retains that carefully careless charm!

Fifth Style:Westernised Chimpu” style suits those with a large forehead… usually adopted by them who are Soccer/Hollywood fans and have a past history of being a ‘Chimpu’ in childhood days! Men who have hair on their scalp too thin to middle part but want to look stylish can definitely choose this pattern. Although hair oil would suffice, replacing it with wet-gel should be a better idea to avoid oily forehead throughout the day.

Sixth Style:Chicken Loving Monk” is the last resort for a stylish Aam-aadmi who has been a premature and unjustified victim of excess hair fall. It’s such a versatile hairstyle (even when your scalp is without any measurable hair!) that you can wear saffron, take a rucksack, pretend like a creative writer, behave like a tough cop and do all those stuffs which never suited you when you had your hair. May be, you won’t look as smart as Bruce Willis but, a tattoo would certainly enhance this “Chicken Loving Monk” hairstyle!  

Well, I’m neither a beautician, nor a hairstyle buff to be able to guide you on your holy path of experimentation with hair. All of these six Aam-aadmi hairstyles are result of my daily observations and some imagination, whose sole purpose was to entertain you. If you’re seriously looking for ramp-ready hairstyles to attain salvation, better consult a hair stylist...

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